Hey! I was at an amazing church on Sunday and we talked a lot about Love. After the talk, a couple of questions were asked and I answered. Below are questions I couldn’t answer because of time constraint . I’d LOVE to have your opinions. Please post them as comments.
Love Don’t Cost A Thing
Questions and Answers (not addressed during the Talk Show)
Q1: How do you avoid marrying a man without fertility issues without having pre-marital sex?
A: This fear is from the pit of hell. The devil would cook up all possible fears and lies to make you have premarital sex. I heard a doctor once say that even some guys who have been fertile before go infertile at some point. So, what’s the proof that even if you discover he is fertile now, he would remain so. Is love about sex? Is marriage about children? Children are a gift, blessings that come with the package. Sex and fertility are not the main reason for a man and woman to become one.
The God who told us to honour Him in our bodies is not unrighteous to leave us in sorrow for honouring Him. I’m a living proof that God honours obedience.
Q2: To stop sex is not the issue, but which guy will want to date a girl who has been sexually active, without attempting to have sex with her? It’s very difficult.
A: I totally agree that it’s difficult. But let me state here that I’m referring to a couple (guy and lady) who have God at the center of their relationship. When you’re both keen on honouring God and yourselves, there’ll be no desire to “share out of the ‘National cake'”
That your boy/girlfriend has been active before doesn’t mean you should taste your own. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him or her? You’d have donkey years to enjoy the goodies of sex. Don’t spoil it now.
Q3: Sir, I love watching Porn Videos. I don’t have a girlfriend, but whenever I feel like getting off, I go outside and pay for sex. What can I do sir? I want to stop.
A: This is a very sincere question. Thanks for voicing out. First, I would advice you get a mentor or an accountability partner who is more spiritually mature than you and can walk with you. You need a hand or even more than one hand to walk with you on this road.
You’ve formed bad habits that you need to break. You need a total renewing (overhauling) of your mind and I cannot say all here. Please seek personal counsel with me or the nearest counsellor to you.
Q4: I have a boyfriend whom I love, and I know he loves me too. The problem is, he keeps cheating and he always begs me and says I am the one he loves. I still love him, is that love or lust?
A: Hah! You need to sit with that boyfriend and talk things over. If he is doing that in a relationship, what would he do when you get married to him.
Note: I believe every godly relationship should have marriage in view; it’s not trial and error. So, my responses to questions have the background mindset that you are working towards marrying the person.
So, I believe in forgiveness but I also believe in dealing with issues. He shouldn’t keep cheating on you without doing something to stop the bad habit. You both should submit yourself to a counsellor and let him/her school you on what love truly entails.
Left to me, you should break off that relationship if he can’t keep his pants up.
Q5: I know I am really pretty, so it’s very hard for me to know who really loves me. Please how do I know who really loves me?
A: That’s a tough one. You can’t know by looking. You know by KNOWING. And how do you know? By cultivating friendship. Please don’t rush into a relationship. Get to know the person. If you discover the guy or lady is overly impatient and just wants the relationship to start, please be wary. Love is patient.
So, I recommend to cultivate friendship and SHINE YOUR EYES in the friendship. You’d know who likes you for you and who likes you for your face/body. And that’s believing you will be praying also. Let God, who knows the heart of all men, reveal things to you.
Q6: Thank you sir, you just ministered to me. I am the girl who was on fire in secondary school then. But I got carried away waiting for admission and its difficult finding my way back. I still need help.
A: My dear, I’m delighted God mentioned your case. Do you know what? God is waiting for you. He has missed you, He loves you and is not condemning you. Try and recollect the things you used to do in secondary school and go back to them.
I would advice you get active in church too. Get surrounded with a company of believers that would fan your flame. I see you becoming all God intends you to be and I believe God will restore the lost years to you.
Q7: How do you know the right man for you, how important is communication in a relationship?
A: You know the right man by sensitivity to the Holy Spirit plus observation in the course of your friendship.
Communication??? That’s the bedrock of any relationship. Without it, a relationship is DEAD. You need to communicate and communicate in a language you both understand (remember what I discussed on the 5 love languages).
Q8: Is it right or wrong to kiss in a relationship?
A: There’s no right or wrong to kissing. I know some of my people are happy to see this. I didn’t kiss my wife until she was my wife because I understood my body makeup. I know couples who kissed and still made it safe. So, you get?
Kissing in itself is not the sin but what it could lead to is the issue. So, between you, God and your boo, decide what works for you. Just ensure you honour God in your bodies.
Q9: How can you differentiate between Love and Obsession?
A: Lovely question. Love is defined in 1Corinthians 13, please read it. Whatever is outside of that like extreme possessiveness, extreme jealousy, extreme thinking/fantasizing etc are signs of obsession.
Q10: Is it bad to touch your boyfriend before marriage?
A: If it is the touch I believe you’re talking about, it is wrong.
Q11: How important is age in a relationship?
A: This question always comes up. Age is important but it is not all so important. It also depends on family background and your perception of age. So, I can’t give a hard and fast answer.
I know couples with the wife older than the husband and they are doing well. I know couples with the man ten years older than the wife and they are doing well. It’s so relative and depends on your own personality.
The important thing is the man should love the woman and the woman should submit to the man.
Q12: If you love someone who doesn’t share the same faith with you, e.g Muslim is it wrong.
A: I believe it is wrong. You can have friends or colleagues of another faith but please not in marriage. I won’t say this for Christians alone but would say same to Muslims or those of other faiths. You need to marry someone who shares the same faith and spiritual values with you.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. So, you don’t want to be stuck for life with someone you can’t share your “rhemas” with, you can’t fast and pray with, you can’t agree on the same thing in the presence of your children. In one house, the children would choose different faiths. That’s the definition of confusion.
Many times, when you’re in love, you feel you can overlook it and manage but in reality, it doesn’t work that way my dear.
Q13: I really want to settle down. All I am asking from God now is a man of my own but all the guys currently after me either want sex or want to touch. I don’t know what to do.
A: The right man hasn’t come yet. Don’t get pressured my dear. Most times, when you eventually give in to the pressure, they’d still move on. Sex never keeps a man who will still walk out.
There are many godly men who seek to do it God’s way. Keep praying, and believing. You’d soon meet each other. I have many testimonies in this line. Your case won’t be an exception. Don’t compromise. God is faithful.
While you wait, enjoy your single-status and maximise your life.
Note: Being in a relationship doesn’t bring the joy and satisfaction you fantasize it will. Having Jesus and living for Him is what does. Having a man or woman in your life just adds to the spice. But if you make it the major priority in your life, your hopes will be dashed. Because NO HUMAN BEING can satisfy the longing in your heart. Only God can. So, don’t compromise for anybody.
Q14: Thank you so much sir for your ministration. You said Love does not demand but gives. What happens if the guy demands from the girl all the time?
A: What is he demanding? No relationship should be parasitic. A guy who keeps demanding from you would remain self centered. You need to call his attention to it. If he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, I would advise a break up.
Love is more committed to giving than receiving.
Q15: What if the babe likes sex a lot and I don’t know how to say no?
A: Bros, what if the babe has AIDS, would you say no? What if you knew for every time you sleep with her, your years on earth reduce by one? Would you continue?
I guess not! We often justify our actions based on our desires. If you really want to do it right, it won’t matter whether she likes it or not. You’d work it out with her.
Better still, marry tomorrow, so you can keep giving it to her as often as she wants it. Please, do what is right. God’s instructions are never to hurt us but to make out lives full and pleasant.
Thank you for the questions. To reach me directly, please follow me on Instagram @timiadigun and send me a direct message.
God bless you!
Let’s keep loving!!! Love don’t cost a thing, don’t let lust ruin the love you both share.
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)