The Love Series (Day 20): Question 5

We are on Day Twenty of our Love Series. It has been a beautiful experience so far and I want to thank you for being a part of it. Today, I would be taking another set of questions.

Anonymous:
I’ve encountered a lot of heartbreaks. Now, it’s hard for me to love. My parents told me to bring home a husband to marry. How can I take someone I don’t love home? It’s so hard for me because anytime I want to engage in any relationship, the past always ring a bell. Please what can I do?

Doctor Love:
Thank you for this question. I totally feel your pain. The past is just one part of our lives that never ceases to go; it just keeps checking up on us without invitation. I am very sorry for the heartbreaks you’ve had. I wish you never went through them but you did. So what do we do next?
I would advise that you start your healing process in earnest. The first thing I would recommend you do about your “wounded heart” is that you hand it over to God. He has an amazing way of healing hearts. Try doing that. Just ask Him to heal your hurts.
And while at it, please rise above the pressure your family is putting on you. Because of the things you’ve experienced, I would advocate you spend at least three (3) months from now building up your emotions, stabilising them. Read books, attend seminars, learn skills, go out with friends. Just get your life into an healthy balance, preparing yourself to venture into love again. Free yourself and have some fun while learning new things. Talking personally to a counsellor also helps a lot.
With God’s help, and your emotional strength regained, I’m sure you’d be ready to give love another chance and very soon, the wedding bell would ring. I hope to get an invite.

Anonymous :
Hello to everyone and especially to you, Doc. Is it compulsory for a lady to marry an educated person?

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Doctor Love:
Hmmm…this question seems like a set up ☺. Is it compulsory? NO!!! Is it necessary? YES!!! Please reach me for a personal session on this as different answers apply to different cases. Asking you some questions might help me answer you better.
But generally, even if the person is not educated, the person needs to both desire and have plans to get educated, if you are to consider spending the rest of your life with the person. Education is not just for the certificate, education sharpens our minds and exposes us to a world of possibilities. I hope I answered you.

Anonymous:
Please sir, I caught my girlfriend whom I intend getting married to cheating on me. I’m just confused if I should let her go or stay after her apology. But I still love her so much.

Doctor Love:
I talked about Love Is Forgiveness on Day 3 of this series. You said she has apologised. I believe you should forgive her. We all make mistakes. But please don’t just forgive, ask questions.
Find out what made her do it? When you understand her reasons, it would help you to know what you can do on your end, in love, to help her not do it again. Was she lonely? Was she ‘needy’? Just find out and deal with it from there.
Let me state clearly here that I believe sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend is wrong. Sex should be preserved for marriage. So, if the reason she gives makes it sound like if you don’t give it to her, she’d have to get it elsewhere (or vice-versa for ladies with their boyfriends), then I strongly recommend you quit that relationship.
Why? The person that cheats on you because he/she wants sex at the wrong time (before marriage), will cheat on you in marriage if you travel or are medically indisposed. But the one that can wait for you would most likely stay faithful to you after.

Thank you for reading again. I hope these answers are making a difference in your love lives. Tomorrow is another day to take your questions. Until then, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING!

I love you!
Timi Adigun.

The Love Series (Day 16): Question 1

As promised, I’d begin answering questions today. When I’m done answering questions, I would round off this series by discussing some ALL IMPORTANT aspects of love. You really want to stick with Doctor Love all the way through this month. Now, to today’s question.

Anonymous:
I have a question sir, when you choose to ignore a ‘hurt’ rather than talk about it, can it be considered forgiveness?

Doctor Love:
Thank you for this question. I can imagine where the question is coming from. If you were in my front, for a personal session, I would need to ask more questions to know the exact answer to give. But owing to the circumstances, I would have to make a few assumptions and answer you based on those assumptions.

I’d start by assuming this person is very close to you. I would further assume that you’re so hurt you don’t know how to express the hurt. Or I could assume you don’t want to hurt your relationship with the person so you would prefer not to talk about it. Now, based on these assumptions, let me answer you.

Please DO NOT LEAVE HURTS UNADDRESSED. If the person is a stranger or distant friend, you could ignore, but if the person is very close to you, you NEED to talk about it. Please note, I didn’t say NAG or SHOUT about it, I said TALK. I have discovered that even though you’ve forgiven someone, talking with the person to thrash out issues gives you a refreshing sense of peace, ease, and lightness.

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So, I recommend you let the person know you want to talk with him/her. Then, with all the love and understanding you can muster, express your hurt. And in the bid to gain them back, try to do more of asking questions than making statements.

Like:
“I was hurt when you talked back at me in front of your friends. Did you know it hurt me? Why did you?” then wait for an answer. Then talk some more, listen to the response. Do you get the flow.
Not like:
“I have always known you to be so callous and insensitive. You just humiliated me in front of your friends. You are heartless and cruel…”

Do you understand the difference? You’re saying the exact same thing but in two completely different ways. Don’t let it seem like a judge’s verdict but like a friend’s hurt simply expressed.

So, please let your loved one(s) know when they offend you but express it well, so you don’t compound the problem. Very important too is finding the right time to talk about it. For married couples, different times work for different people. But on the average, middle of the night talks when both parties are well rested, works. Date nights work. Evenings after work hardly work because one or both parties are tired and hungry.

So, please mind the timing and the tone of conversation. Remember, the endpoint is to win your loved one back and “clear the hurt”. So, keep your eyes on the goal and don’t just talk for talking sake.

I believe this has helped you. I would be taking the next question tomorrow. Until then, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING!

I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

The Love Series (Day 15): Love Grows With Humility!

We have been talking about love for two weeks now, and this is the start of the third week. Please be reminded that I would start responding to questions from tomorrow so please send in your questions, even if they are private (your identity will be witheld); somebody else might just be going through the same thing and your asking would help him/her.

Okay! Today, I’m talking about Love Grows With Humility. A love relationship in which one or both parties is proud or conceited would have MANY problems. Love and pride cannot flow together. I’m sure you would have gotten a glimpse of that when we discussed Love as regards Forgiveness, Compromise, Sacrifice, Giving and more. But today, I want to throw a little more light on humility.

If you want your love relationship with your spouse, boo, child, parent, or what-have-you to flourish, you must garnish the plate of love with humility. Another way to put it, would be “respect for the other party”.

How? It’s simple.

Don’t think twice before you say I AM SORRY when she is upset. Please don’t defend yourself or give excuses. You can explain later. But at that particular point of offense, please say I AM SORRY. Don’t shorten it to SORRY. Spell it out I-AM-SORRY!!! and let it reflect in your voice and body language that you mean the apology. That’s humility (even if you were not at fault). That’s LOVE!

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Source: Google Images 

Secondly, please make it a habit to say THANK YOU. In many love relationships, we take somethings forgranted and say “it’s his responisbility” or “am I to thank her for doing her job?”. Hey! That’s not love. Love appreciates and is humble enough to express it. Thank her for a beautiful meal. Thank him for the paid bills. Thank her for washing the dishes. Be appreciative. Only humble people can do that…a proof of love.

Thirdly, please make use of “please” in every request. Honour your loved one by respecting their person. Don’t bark out orders. Be polite about your demands. “Please, bring me a cup of tea”, “Please don’t forget to pick the children from school”, “Please shut the door behind you”, etc. Your home, relationship or friendship would experience a burst in “Love energy” when respect is the order of the day.

Finally, please be open with your loved one(s). That’s the highest form of humility. Be vulnerable with him/her. Don’t keep secrets, especially for married couples and/or couples soon to be married. I know it’s hard but I’m telling you what I live by. My wife knows ALL my secrets; good, bad and ugly…ALL!!! And I know all hers too. That’s humility! That’s LOVE!

NB: As regards opening up, please be sure you have a lifetime commitment to the person before you do that. If you need clarifications, I’m here for you.

So, reach out to that loved one today and show some respect and appreciation and KEEP AT IT for life. And for you, a husband or wife with a haunting secret, it’s time to tell your spouse. If you really need a trusted counsellor to intermediate because of how serious it is, you could reach me and I’ll be glad to help. The success of your love life is my joy.

Please share this post with all family and friends. You never know who needs this. Save a love relationship today! Social media share links are below this post. You could download the audios of this series on my podcast page and send to ALL your loved ones. It’s time for a LOVE REVOLUTION!

Please remember that I’ll start taking questions tomorrow. Until then, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING!!!

I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

The Love Series (Day 12): Love Knows When To Let Go!

We have discussed a couple of things about love. And now, we are about considering one of the most complicated aspects of love. It is quite difficult to accept and/or understand. We are discussing, Love Knows When To Let Go.

I have several loved ones, so trust me when I say I have faced this dilemma a couple of times. We will all face it at one point or the other in our love lives.

For a romantic relationship, you love someone deeply but the person doesn’t feel the same way and it hurts. You wish, hope, pray, desire, and at times even plead with the person but it just doesn’t change anything. What do you do?

For a family relationship, your spouse or child seems to be drifting away. You do all in your power to gain the person’s attention but it is just not working, the harder you try, the worse it gets. And it is so frustrating. What next?

LET GO!!!

That seems like the worst advice I’ve given on this series, right? It sounds crazy but it works. Maybe the person feels choked, give him or her some space. Let them breathe. Let Go…and LET GOD!!!

Does that make better sense now? You’ve tried on your own and it hasn’t worked, let God, who loves you and who can do ALL things, step in for you. On that basis, in your letting go, please do the following:

1. Keep being there for the person whenever he or she comes around.
2. Keep building yourself to becoming a better spouse or parent or child in the process.
3. Keep PRAYING.

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Source: Google Images

I have experienced a “return home” of several loved ones who walked out on me. Why did they come back:

1. I had previously laid a good foundation of love. I loved on them.
2. They knew I would be there whenever they returned.
3. I kept praying for them.
4. They felt safe when they returned
5. I did not for once accuse them or blame them for leaving.

Please notice I said “several”, not “all”. You might never gain some loved ones back. I don’t like talking about that but it’s the truth. So, I can only hope with you that your own loved one(s) would respond soonest and “come back to you”.

LOVE NEVER FAILS. Love works in strange ways. If you feel your case is peculiar and letting go might not work, please reach me personally.

And please don’t forget to post your questions as comments on my blog posts. I would be taking questions from Day Sixteen. Please remember to LET GO, LET LOVE, and LET GOD.

We continue tomorrow. Until then, KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING!

I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

The Love Series (Day 2): Love Embraces Imperfections!

Welcome to Day Two of our all-important series. I am finding it very interesting, won’t use the word ‘difficult’, knowing which aspect of love to talk about before the other. So, I would just simply flow and mention them as they come. If you have any questions as regarding love generally or based on what I would be sharing in this series, please post your questions as comments on The Love Series posts on my blog. I would be entertaining and answering questions from Day 16!

Now, to today’s business!

I once heard a dear friend of mine, Dr. Ayoade Adeoye, make a profound statement. She said and I quote, “We judge people by their ACTIONS but we judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS.” Hmmm! Maybe you should read that line over and again until you squeeze out ALL the juices in it.

A loved one doesn’t call you on your birthday, and because of that, you pick a fight, saying, “Of all people, how could you forget my birthday!”, not caring at all to know if the person has any tenable excuse. Whereas, if the ball was in your court and you forgot a loved one’s birthday, you would say to yourself, “Only if she knew she was on my mind all day…I was just so busy…I slept off…I was totally broke and couldn’t call…etc”

Do you understand please? Love GIVES EXCUSES for people! Love OVERLOOKS wrongs. Why? Because Love KNOWS that EVERY HUMAN BEING is a bundle of IMPERFECTIONS! You will not find a PERFECT man, woman, boy, girl, child, parent, husband, wife, employer, employee or colleague, on this side of eternity. NEVER.

“Timi, you’re wrong! I have seen perfect people!”
If that’s what you’re saying, I beg to differ. They LOOK and ACT and TALK and SOUND perfect is different from they ARE perfect. Ask the people that sleep on the same bed or live in the same house with them. Best bet would be to even ask them personally. If they are honest, they will tell you how broken and weak they are at some points in their lives.

So, if you wanna enjoy love, you need to know that the person you are choosing to intentionally and deliberately love (as I mentioned yesterday) is a flawed human. Don’t expect never to be hurt. Haven’t you hurt many people yourself?

So, when you look at that loved one, or intended loved one today, let a softness develop in your heart for that person. Remind yourself that she’s beautiful but not perfect. Tell yourself he’s georgious but not perfect. Remind yourself your child is cute but not perfect. Replay in your mind that your dad is strong but not perfect.

With this understanding, you won’t put an unnecessary, unachievable burden on that individual to match up to a standard no human being can meet.

NB: That said, please don’t take your husband or boyfriend’s beating up you as imperfection, don’t take your child talking back at you and spitting in your face as imperfection, and similar cases. Those ones are HUGE CHARACTER FLAWS that need to be dealt with. And that’s not the topic for today, nor for this series. You could reach me for personal counselling sessions on that.

Okay! It’s time to go into your world today and love the imperfect people around you. Thank you for taking the time to read the words of imperfect me. I believe in you and I see beauty, grace and strength in your imperfections. Let NO ONE despise you. NO ONE!

Until we “see” again tomorrow. Keep living. Keep loving!
I love you!

Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

I support you!

Hello Timilehin….bless God for your ministry and I must say your parents are very proud of you.

I just wanted to drop a line to let you know that I am so in support of what you said regarding opening up your family as a christian model….to be honest it saddens my heart to see how a single family has so much negatice influence on the world not just teengaers and youths but the whole world and its NEGATIVE!

I put a big stamp of approval (not that I am God) but just showing I support you….may God keep your home and indeed make it a light in this generation…it will give a lot of young people hope for a happy christian home…

YES WE CAN HAVE A MARRIAGE FULL OF GOD’S LOVE BECAUSE THAT IS HIS PERFECT WILL….

God bless.
Mrs. Peters, Lagos.

The Love Series (Day 1): Love Never Fails!

I want to say a big THANK YOU to you that you’ve decided to follow me in this life-changing series. Love has changed, and is still changing, my life. This is an attempt to share my life with you and share principles that I live by. I personally employ you to ensure you follow this series for the complete 29 days and please practice what you learn…and if you’re in any way inspired, please share with your loved ones and encourage them to follow my blog via email so the new posts land in their inbox by default.

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Now to today’s Love Topic!

Have you ever lost a battle that you fought in love? Have you ever lost a loved one, that you truly loved, to another person? Has love become a taboo word in your heart and soul because of the occurrences of your past?

If the answer to any of the above stated questions is YES, then indulge me as I say that IT WASN’T LOVE! Please don’t stop reading now. When you lie on a doctor’s operating table and he cuts you up, it hurts, but you trust him enough to stay there until he finishes and sews you back up. Just take me as your love doctor and I want to fix the love “sickness” you have. I desire to see you smile from deep within again because you have embraced love in its fullness.

TRUE LOVE, the type you would be growing in knowledge of in these 29days on this blog, NEVER FAILS.
What does “NEVER FAILS” mean?

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* It never grows old
* It never faces an obstacle it cannot overcome
* It wins over (captures/endears) EVERY SINGLE person it’s shown to.
* It never has a down side
* It is infallible
* It outlives death
* It transcends time and space

These seven (7) points are just the few I presently choose to mention. When you begin understanding and living out the love life, you’d experience these seven and many more yourself.

Please take this love series as an academic course. Take it personal. Be deliberate and intentional. It’s time for you to have that lasting love relationship you’ve always wanted. It’s high time your husband/wife came back home! It’s time for family (parent-children) reconciliation. It’s time to truly fall in love with the guy/lady of your dreams. It’s time for LOVE!

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I would be stopping here now, to continue tomorrow. This is just an introduction. Please stick with me for this whole month of February 2016 and we’d be both glad you did. Don’t forget to follow this blog if you haven’t. Encourage loved ones to follow too and please share this post on the social media networks via the links below.

Your love life is about to be REVOLUTIONIZED!!!

Until we “see” again tomorrow. Keep living. Keep loving!
I love you!

Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

The Naked Man!

Hey!

Thanks for visiting my blog again. Today, I have a very serious issue on my mind. It deals with nakedness but not literarily. You would get my drift shortly.

Nakedness typically denotes shame. When a person runs mad, one of the first things those around him try to stop him from doing (apart from running out) is “tearing his clothes off”. Remember when Jesus healed the mad man in scriptures,  the first thing He did was to clothe him. So, do we get who is trying to unclothe the world today?

But that’s not my point today.

I went for a function yesterday and I saw many celebrities and all. You know I’m still upcoming (covers face) and people were famzing them and taking selfies with them as I watched on in admiration. I had to leave before the function ended because I had an appointment to keep and only a few people even knew I existed at the “celebrities’ function”.

But guess what?

When I got home, David and Esther were so excited to see me and came to hug me. When I got upstairs, my wife literarily danced, happy I was back home and hugged me, all smiles. My family had missed me.

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Just this morning,  about 3am, Sunday January 24th, 2016, my wife started my day with “I love you.” Then, I got a text from my mum. She was blessing me. Right in my sitting room, I knelt as I read the text and said heart felt and believing AMEN’s. That was a great start to my day.

Why am I telling you this? You NEED your family. Don’t go around chasing money and fame and you neglect your loved ones. A man without a family is NAKED!!! If after you’ve acquired all the fame and wealth, you don’t have a family, you’d live with so much SHAME and REGRET. That’s a promise. Please re-order your priorities.

Spend time with your husband. Love on your wife. Be there for your children. Visit your parents. HAVE and KEEP your FAMILY.

Now, as an aside, for those who are either worried or critical; asking why I’m “exposing” my family to the world with pictures and daily occurrences. Please know I’d rather prefer a quiet life but that won’t work.

Confused people who are doing wrong are doing reality shows and showing their “wrong way of living” to the world and many people are being derailed. I would choose to do same and hope to save at least ONE PERSON from making damaging life mistakes by exposing my private life to the world for God’s glory and their joy.

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Don’t worry about me. God blessed me with my wife and children and everything else I have; He’ll keep us. “THE BLESSING OF THE LORD, IT MAKES RICH AND HE ADDS NO SORROW TO IT.” We’ll be fine.

Please share this post on all your social media platforms. The links are beneath this post. Save a life. Save a family. Restore values. Make a weeping wife glad. Make rebelling children come home. Let’s restore the value of FAMILY.

NO MORE NAKEDNESS! NO MORE SHAME!

I love you!

I need you!

Thank you again for reading my blog; you do not have an idea how much it means to me. However, I need you to please do something for me; make your presence known.

I check my stats and I see that this blog is viewed in several countries across about 5 continents. Please I want to meet you personally.

Please send me a message on whatsapp +2348023458880 or an email on timtimmy1@yahoo.com and let’s become friends and family!

I long to connect directly with you. Thank you and God bless you.

I love you!

Timi Adigun.

Sweet Compromise!

I am currently typing this post with David seated to my left, his hands resting on my left leg , and with Esther sitting on my laps. Quite sweet , yes! Also very uncomfortable, yes!! By the way, they are on vacation!!!

Why am I telling you this?

I need to write but David wants to watch his Christian music video on the laptop (Kids Praise). I wanted to ask him to come back later but I could see he really wanted to watch, so I indulged him. The two applications are on at the same time (WordPress and VLC player); he’s watching and I’m typing.

Now to Esther, there are times she just wants to be with her daddy. Such moments are very precious and I don’t take them lightly. So, I indulged her too.

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David and Esther kneeling to pray!

Friend, are you so busy pursuing your dreams that you don’t have time for the people or things that should ALSO be important to you.

In my opinion, it’s okay to miss one or two ‘business deals’ if your wife is really craving some quality time. It’s okay to put off your phone and just spend time, uninterrupted, with your friends and/or family.

I’ve learnt and still learn a lot from my mother, Mrs. Sinmisola Olufunke Adigun. She would almost always say, “Timilehin, life is about making sacrifices; about compromising for others!”

Please note that I am not talking about compromises that negate your values or your convictions. I’m talking about compromises that deal with altering your schedule or plans just once in a while; going the extra mile for someone.

By the way, my children have left. They’ve gone to their mother. Guess my typing is boring them. #smiles. But I’m glad I did not lose the moment.

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David and Esther shouting Halleluyah!

Do you need to visit your parents this Christmas?

Do you need to take your spouse on a date?

Do you need to make your loved ones know they are more important than your phone?

Do you need to hold your child in your arms while you work?

Do you need to call your son overseas and tell him you love him?

Please DO IT NOW!!! Life is made beautiful with SWEET COMPROMISES!

I love you!

Timi Adigun