The Love Series (Day 26): Question 10

Many thanks to you for bearing with me yesterday. Today, I would be taking the final questions and they are eight in all. Please note that I wouldn’t be as detailed as I would want to so that this post is not unnecessarily long. So, for comprehensive answers, please reach me personally. Thank you for understanding.

Anonymous:
Doctor Love, what can you say is the cause of this. A guy and a girl are already in a serious relationship leading to marriage but lately, they both get angry over the phone for nothing. The communication has really gone down the drain because every sentence causes misunderstanding even if it’s a joke. Could it be because of external environs like stress or aggression transfer or are they both not interested again?

Doctor Love:
To your question, I believe you have covered the main options. It could be transfer of aggression or frustration from work or family; he/she is not happy about something else and is bringing it into the relationship.
Or it could be that they are now so familiar with each other that the initial flame of love is dying and in its place, the weaknesses and mistakes of the other person are being amplified or exaggerated in the heart.
What’s the solution?
I strongly recommend two things. One, learn self control. That is, learn not to bring the stress from work or business or family into your relationship. Consciously shield your relationship or marriage from these external factors. Two, like I’ve said before, do fun things together. Go out, see a movie, attend a concert or conference; do fun things that would make you excited being in each other’s company again.

Anonymous:
I have never been in a relationship before cause I always wanted my first boyfriend to eventually be my husband. At 16, I thought it would happen but it didn’t. Fortunately I have liked people along the way who I thought would be the fit, but the question never came. 6 years after I’m still waiting. I have had people who wanted to go out with me but didn’t particularly want marriage to be the goal at the time but I turned them down. Now I feel like would it be so bad if I date someone without him being my husband? I am an advocate of sexual purity by God’s grace and I know in any relationship there won’t be any sexual intercourse by His strength and grace. But what if I start dating without marriage in mind and eventually it now comes through, instead of scaring people from the get-go that my mind is on marriage

Doctor Love:
Thank you very much for this question. I want you to know that you’re beautiful and the God you’re trying to honour is faithful. Don’t cast your pearls before swine. See! It’s not just sex before marriage that hurts, entering multiple “unsure” relationships hurts too. Ask those who have suffered that.
I want to ask that you maintain this desire. I used it and it worked for me. Why would you want to say yes to a guy who doesn’t want to commit to you. I personally think he’s unserious and that’s a waste of your heart and emotions.
I think a personal session would be better. Knowing your age and readiness for marriage would help me give you accurate prescriptions. Please reach me. But in all, stick to your principle of “marriage-focused relationship”. I believe in it.

Anonymous:
Hello sir, I’ve been reading your love series for some days now, but I have some questions to ask about my relationship which bothers me sometimes.
1. I’m not always chanced to go out with my bf cause of my mum, but he complains about this alot. Now he’s telling he is tired of my excuses.
2. He doesnt buy me material things at all, and anytime I ask him (which I dont like doing) he says he does not have money.
3. He complains that I’m not romantic
Note: He doesn’t ask me for sex and doesnt intend doing until marriage

Doctor Love:
I recommend a personal session with both of you present. I think you are both speaking different love languages. He wants Quality Time and Words of Affirmation and you want Gifts.
You seem to love each other but you aren’t responding to each other ways you both individually want. I suggest you go out on a date and talk about these issues. Clear the air. Express yourself and let him do same and decide on how to make compromises to make it work.
In between, you sound like your mum doesn’t know about your relationship. That’s not too healthy. You have peace and confidence to enjoy a relationship when you have a parent or both parents’ blessings.

Anonymous:
Often times, I have heard ladies say they can’t go into a relationship with or get married to someone their age or withen their age group so now my question is this, is anything wrong in going into a relationship with someone within my age group?

image

Doctor Love:
Thanks for this question. I just knew this question had to prop up. My answer might make some people despise me but would make at least one person love me more.
I believe you should have want you want in terms of age but still be open to God. I always wanted someone two years younger than me because that’s what my parents share and same with my elder sister. So, a guy marrying a younger lady is the ideal.
However, my beautiful wife, that I love with ALL my heart and that submits to me like none else would, is older than me. She’s a year older than me and you wouldn’t know if I didn’t tell you. I believe I have answered you with that.

Anonymous:
Doctor Love, a friend came to me and asked: “how do I know if he’s the right guy for me. Believe me I have a good relationship with God but recently my relationship is shaky. I was bothered and in my thought, I just said, God, if this is the guy for me, do this this this, that very night, it happened. But when I mentioned it, for a confirmation the second time, it didn’t happen. Could it mean that God is not in support or it’s not yet time or can someone pray for me? The guy is also not getting any confirmation. Please, God should reveal it to me if not anybody close to me.”

Doctor Love:
Your question is a very important one because Doctor Love also believes in knowing God’s will when it comes to relationships and/or marriage. Why? God sees the future you don’t see. The “made guy” today might lose his job tomorrow. The lady you couldn’t consider before might be the next star tomorrow. And the person you like could also turn out great too. But the point is, commit that desire to God. God will never lead you wrong.
You could meditate on Proverbs 3:5&6. The method you used is very subjective and could be misleading. It is not a very good method of knowing God’s will, especially on crucial issues like this.
I cannot talk about hearing God on this platform as that is another series entirely on it’s own, so I humbly ask that you book a session with me and let me walk this road of decision with you.

Anonymous:
Thank you very much for the great eye opener on love but I have a problem. My mum told us of some stuffs she went through in the hands of my dad when they got married newly and I developed a level of hatred for him but have tried over the years to love and show him love but it not just working out. My dad on the other hand is not helping out as he talks to her anyhow even in our presence and he doesn’t show  us (children) love…please help me sir really want to have a wonderful relationship with him.

Doctor Love:
Thank you for asking this sensitive question. I would start by asking you to pray about it. God touches hearts and changes lives in amazing ways. Commit daddy’s heart to God and don’t stop praying.
Now, your part. LOVE HIM LIKE CRAZY! This might even upset your mum or siblings but please take my word for it. NO ONE CAN RESIST LOVE. I started this series by saying, Love Never Fails. Inspite of how he treats you, love on him.
You want to have a good relationship with him (which you should have), so love him deliberately. Don’t join mummy or siblings to talk bad about him or to him. Don’t undo your prayers with negative confessions when he “misbehaves” again.
Write him love letters, wash his car, polish his shoes, make his food early, buy him gifts. Let him begin to long to come home because somebody at home is making him feel good. Soon, your siblings would join and soonest, mummy too will.
Note please: the power is in the CONSISTENCY. When you start, nothing might change at first but KEEP AT IT. And keep praying for him. Please let me know how it goes. Your joy is my joy.

Anonymous:
Thanks sir for this series. God Bless you more. My question is…in a situation whereby you were initially dating someone but due to some certain reasons the relationship can not just work-out. Than you decided to break-up with the person but the other person in question just don’t want to LET GO and MOVE ON (no matter how had you’ve tried) he just keeps coming back. And that is affecting your current relationship. Please sir, what is to be done.?Thanks again

Doctor Love:
I don’t know why you broke up with him but I would assume it was for a reason(s) that you couldn’t work out. And now you’ve stated that you are in another relationship. On that basis, my answer is simple.
YOU ARE THE ONE ALLOWING HIM HANG AROUND. Maybe you miss him or still have feelings for him. See! Your priority now is your present fiance and you NEED TO FOCUS ON HIM. You might take the following as hard but at times, love is done the hard way because you have to move on with your life.
For a season that you will assign yourself, maybe like 3 months, stop replying his texts, stop picking his calls, ignore his chats (preferably don’t read them). Without being rude but firm, make him know, you are my “ex” and I intend to leave it that way. When he has understood your message, if he’s still interested, you can then agree on terms of friendship.

Anonymous:
God bless you real good sir. My question. I have a very close friend, we are so close that even his mum asks if we are dating. He loves me and I love him too but i think he’s not ready for a relationship yet. I remember he once told my aunt he would love to propose to me after his service next year. I’m seriously confused whether to wait for him till next year or I should forget about it and move on cause I already have a lot of proposals that have refused just because I love him. I don’t know what to do. Please, help me sir.

Doctor Love:
You are a star o!!! You alone with all these proposals. I am delighted for you. He has already made his intentions known to propose after NYSC and you love him! So, I’m also proposing that you be patient. And while you wait, talk to God about it and KEEP building yourself into a woman of virtue that would be an asset to her husband.
And whilst you say NO to the other suitors, keep them as friends. Don’t lose out on a friendship just because relationship is not an option.

At last! We are done with our questions on this series and we have broken the record of longest post again because of the many questions but I believe every question was worth the time. I answered ALL questions that were sent in except the ones that the individuals wanted me to address personally.

While at it, I have two announcements for you. One, if you are in a relationship, courtship or marriage, and you want you and your spouse to be accountable to me, I would be having a Mentorship Session on Easter Saturday (March 26th) in Lagos and it costs N5,000. If keeping and enjoying your relationship is important to you, I think that amount is too small. One of my focuses would be on relationships. I want to walk with you both and attend your weddings (for those in relationships) and come to dedicate your houses and babies (for the married). Deadline for payment is on Monday, February 29th (I won’t extend it). The fewer, the more effective for me to mentor.

Two, I noticed 90% of my listeners, readers, and those who asked questions are ladies. So, very soon, I would be having an exclusive outing with ladies to teach you some “deep” things. Please keep your ears open; you wouldn’t want to miss that. It would be good meeting you in person.

I’ll be back tomorrow as we begin concluding the series. Until then, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING.

I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

14 thoughts on “The Love Series (Day 26): Question 10

  1. MJ

    Thanks alot sir,am glad i made it this far on this series and will be more happy to get to the end of it. actually I’ll be expecting that ladies outing, I’ll get to
    finally meet YOU in person, and be expecting a big hug sir. am huge fan. met u and MINE through my good classmate Ola and am not letting go.

    Like

  2. Uncle Timi….I am so blessed finishing up this series with u….I also have questions to ask…but I will wait till ladies time out with u……can afford to miss it and I plead that it comes quick….this is really an eye opener…..tnks so much…av seen u only once at the shift…and I long for another opportunity to meet with u….tnos

    Liked by 1 person

  3. TeeMie

    I could not bring myself to skip reading any of the above questions. The answers proffered too are just full of Wisdom and basic Truth.
    May the One who instituted Love and whose personality is Love (GOD) bless the One who took it upon himself to make love relationships better.
    Doctor Love is so on point! #CarryGo

    Like

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