Many thanks to you for all the several questions that have come in. Please remember that tomorrow would be my last day in this series for taking questions. Whatever question doesn’t come in today would not be addressed on this platform. Thanks for understanding. We have three questions to address today.
I’m so grateful for this love piece. It has opened my eyes to things I couldn’t see before. But I have a question that has been bothering me for long. I’m still in love with my ex although he moved on and I’ve also moved on. I always try to forget that feeling or just turn it into hate but it’s not working and the person I’m dating now still contacts his ex-girlfriends and still tells them that he misses them. Anytime I ask about this , he tells me I have nothing to worry about. What should I do? I’ve been praying about it but there’s no answer.
I recommend a personal session to address these issues better but with the details I have, let me say a few things.
Firstly, please never try to use “hate” to get rid of love. It’s very wrong. We are love beings and don’t thrive well in an atmosphere of hate. Hate is the “easy way out” and hardly pays in the end.
Honestly, I believe you shouldn’t be in a relationship yet. It’s never fair to carry “current love baggage” into a new relationship. You need to deal with your feelings for your ex first. You need to truly move on because you haven’t. Being in a new relationship doesn’t mean you’ve moved on. Your heart is still with him. Move on emotionally, not just physically.
For your present boyfriend, I don’t subscribe to what he’s doing. He hasn’t moved on either. Seems like an “emotional mess” to me. Two people still hanging on to their past. If you two are going to stay together, you have to agree to truly move on, meaning, every other person becomes secondary and contact with the “exs” is intentionally reduced.
Sir, must a man meet all the criteria I’ve set up? For example, if the person flops at integrity issues especially with “lies to protect me” and yet says he loves me, what do I do?
This question reminds me of when I talked about compromise in this series. Please have criteria that you want in your man or woman. Whoever doesn’t have something in particular he wants would settle for anything. You need to have what you want to see in your spouse.
But even at that, please don’t be rigid. Be flexible. You might not get everything 100%. There are some things you could bend on. Things like his skin colour, his height, his age, his tribe, his nationality, etc can be ‘compromised’ but core things like integrity, respect, sexual purity, diligence, godliness and others are ‘non-compromisable’, please permit my English.
If he lies to protect you, he would most likely lie to you. If you are happy with a man who lies to his friends in your presence and you say, “he’s smart”, someday he would lie to you. Even if he doesn’t, you would find it hard to believe him because you know he has the tendency to lie.
A girl who is sweet and nice to you but you notice is rude to her parents or to strangers, and you feel it doesn’t affect you. When the heat is turned up, you’ll be the one to bear it. You can’t hide who you are for too long.
A guy who whistles at your body parts, possibly touching you in public would most likely do it to another girl. So, don’t feel special becuase he’s doing it to you.
What’s my point? Have your criteria for your man or woman. You can bend on some things but you shouldn’t on some.
Doctor Love, I recently just go into a relationship with this guy and it has been going on well. There was a day I was upset with him and breaking up crossed my mind then immediately I felt like if I break up with him, I won’t get anyone better than he is. Is it healthy to think that there’s a “best person” for you and if you miss him, you can’t find a better person?
This is quite a sensitive question and different authorities on love might have different opinions on this, as well as on other answers I’ve given in this series but I would give my own opinion.
I believe there is no “best” person. I just talked about having criteria in the previous question. You might meet a guy with ALL the qualities you always wanted and you accept to date/court him because of that. Six months down the line, you might meet someone that has ALL the qualities in GREATER measures. What would do you? Break up and date the new one until a “better” one comes again?
I personally believe whoever is “best” is the person God and you CHOOSE to make best. You choose to love that person, assuming you are convinced that he/she is the right one for you, and you CLOSE YOUR EYES to all others.
Please note, that on the contrary, don’t settle for an anyhow guy/girl because you “feel undeserving” of the best and want to grab whoever “takes pity” on you to date you, Nah!!! You’re an amazing person and you deserve the best. You are worth the best and will get the best. Don’t get desperate for love and don’t cheapen yourself. You are SPECIAL.
Okay! That’s all for today. I’ll wrap up with questions tomorrow and use Day 26 to 29 to round off the series. You don’t want to miss the last four days! They will be the icing on the cake.
Enjoy your day and while at it, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING.
I love you,
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)