It’s getting more interesting by the day. Many questions are coming in and I’m enjoying personal sessions with some people. I’m awed at the power of love. Love indeed changes us from inside out. Let’s take three questions again today.
Well done sir…please sir, if a lady is a very close friend with a guy for over four years in which they have been doing some things like going out, exchanging gifts to some level that people around them think that there is something going on between them and the lady is already in love with the guy but the guy is not speaking out. Please, is it polite or reasonable for the lady to express her feelings to the guy and in what way?
I am glad someone asked this. For the Love Series Day 1 to 15, I could only talk about love as generally as possible but questions like this help me to address particular cases.
I have heard of and experienced several cases like this but I won’t bore you with details. My dear, if you have been friends with a guy for so long and yet he isn’t making you two “an item”, you need to DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP you have. He’s not asking you out, and his presence is automatically keeping other guys off.
Please find an appropriate time and ask him to define the relationship. More so, because in this case, you’re already in love with him. The earlier he defines it, the better. Ask him, “who am I to you?”, “what do we share?”, “how do you see me?”…etc
Please don’t let him push the question(s) back to you. You were “woman enough” to demand a clarification. He should be man enough to declare his stand. Do you know why you need to do this ASAP, because I’ve often heard responses like, “you’re like a sister to me”, or “you’re just my friend”, or “you’re just someone I can confide in”.
Please challenge him to define the relationship so you save yourself unnecessary heartache and if he’s not interested in more than friendship, you can detach so other guys know you are available. And if he wants to move it to the next level, happy you!
Thanks a lot sir. If two people are in a relationship for four years now but the guy has a very close friendship with another girl and calls her bestfriend though the girl knows his girlfriend and they have been friends before the guy met his girlfriend. Is this cool for the girlfriend not to panic about the so-called bestfriend?
This is a very dicey one. A personal session with me where I could ask more questions would have been better but let me answer on a general note.
In this kind of situation, the answer to whether you should panic or not is in the question, “Who does he value more?”
If he spends more time with his best friend, visits her more often, calls her more, talks a lot about her at your expense, then I think he’s in love with her and it would do you good to either challenge him to withdraw from her or you end the relationship. You don’t want to be “second fiddle” or “second class” in your man’s life.
You are supposed to be his best friend. If he can make the switch, fine. If he can’t, it might be time to move on!
Thanks doctor. I have a guy I’m dating and he’s telling me that he doesn’t care for me.
I am sorry to hear that. No lady should ever have to hear a guy tell her such words. You are much more valuable than that.
If you sense it that he meant what he said and there was a finality in his tone, please receive strength to move on with your life. But if you sense there are unspoken issues making him say that, then find ample time to talk things over with him. He might just be reacting to something you did or didn’t do. Please, take it up from there.
This is where we draw the curtains for today. I’ll be back tomorrow, answering more questions. Until then, I ask you to please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING!
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)