The Love Series (Day 16): Question 1

As promised, I’d begin answering questions today. When I’m done answering questions, I would round off this series by discussing some ALL IMPORTANT aspects of love. You really want to stick with Doctor Love all the way through this month. Now, to today’s question.

Anonymous:
I have a question sir, when you choose to ignore a ‘hurt’ rather than talk about it, can it be considered forgiveness?

Doctor Love:
Thank you for this question. I can imagine where the question is coming from. If you were in my front, for a personal session, I would need to ask more questions to know the exact answer to give. But owing to the circumstances, I would have to make a few assumptions and answer you based on those assumptions.

I’d start by assuming this person is very close to you. I would further assume that you’re so hurt you don’t know how to express the hurt. Or I could assume you don’t want to hurt your relationship with the person so you would prefer not to talk about it. Now, based on these assumptions, let me answer you.

Please DO NOT LEAVE HURTS UNADDRESSED. If the person is a stranger or distant friend, you could ignore, but if the person is very close to you, you NEED to talk about it. Please note, I didn’t say NAG or SHOUT about it, I said TALK. I have discovered that even though you’ve forgiven someone, talking with the person to thrash out issues gives you a refreshing sense of peace, ease, and lightness.

image

So, I recommend you let the person know you want to talk with him/her. Then, with all the love and understanding you can muster, express your hurt. And in the bid to gain them back, try to do more of asking questions than making statements.

Like:
“I was hurt when you talked back at me in front of your friends. Did you know it hurt me? Why did you?” then wait for an answer. Then talk some more, listen to the response. Do you get the flow.
Not like:
“I have always known you to be so callous and insensitive. You just humiliated me in front of your friends. You are heartless and cruel…”

Do you understand the difference? You’re saying the exact same thing but in two completely different ways. Don’t let it seem like a judge’s verdict but like a friend’s hurt simply expressed.

So, please let your loved one(s) know when they offend you but express it well, so you don’t compound the problem. Very important too is finding the right time to talk about it. For married couples, different times work for different people. But on the average, middle of the night talks when both parties are well rested, works. Date nights work. Evenings after work hardly work because one or both parties are tired and hungry.

So, please mind the timing and the tone of conversation. Remember, the endpoint is to win your loved one back and “clear the hurt”. So, keep your eyes on the goal and don’t just talk for talking sake.

I believe this has helped you. I would be taking the next question tomorrow. Until then, please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING!

I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)

34 thoughts on “The Love Series (Day 16): Question 1

  1. Anonymous

    Dear Dr. Love, I’ve been finding myself just ‘resenting’ my roommate for no reason. It comes sometimes. I don’t show it but it’s there in my heart. Almost like I’m burning in anger towards her, and I can’t find a reason for it. Sure she has some habits I find disgusting/ridiculous but it’s not that bad, they are not even immoral. I’ve verbally chosen to love her, I’ve pushed myself to do things for her, I’ve prayed. But I don’t know what else to do. It doesn’t seem to be reducing.

    Like

  2. friend of a friend

    my first question sir, in a relationship that a guy always want to know everything about the lady and the lady when conscious tells the guy but mostly forgets or she just assumes he knows what’s going on, is it a reason for the guy to get angry and just cut off connection. Is that love sir? thanks for this love series sir.

    Like

  3. Abimbola

    Weldone sir….pls sir,if a lady is a very close friend wit a guy4 over 4 yrs in which they av been doing doing some things like going out, exchanging gifts 2 some level dat pple around them thinks dat there is something going on between them and d lady is already in love with d guy but the guy is not speaking out.Pls is it polite or reasonable 4 d lady 2 express her feeling to d guy & in wat way?

    Like

  4. Dami

    Thanks a lot sir..if two pp r in a relationship for 4yrs now but the guy has a very close friendship with another girl and calls her bestfriend though the girl knows his girlfriend and they have being friends before the guy met his girlfriend.is this cool for the girlfriend not to panic about the so called bestfriend?

    Like

  5. Charles

    Pls sir, i caught my girlfriend whom i intend getting married to cheating on me. I’m jst confused if i should let her go or stay after her apology. But i stil love her somuch.

    Like

  6. joke Oladipupo

    thank you so much doctor love, reading and listening to the love series, is really helping my relationship with people. most especially to the opposite sex… and my personal love life… thank u sir. . . well done sir… i love you!!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s