I am smiling as I start this series this morning. I’m picturing the newness and the life that has sprung up in your love relationships. Remember, we’ve agreed that Love Is Giving, so I want to ask that you please share this series with all your friends. They just might need it even more than you do. Love issues are not written on the face; please help a friend and share this with him or her.
Now, we are continuing from where we stopped yesterday. We said, Love requires communication and we are supposed to learn about ensuring we are speaking the same language with our loved ones.
In this series, this would be the only time that I would not be using my original thoughts. I would be discussing on what an amazing author talked about. We’d be touching on The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. He did justice to this topic and living on his teachings have really helped my own love life. You could visit his website and see other resources he has that would change your love life. To visit his site, please click here.
The problem you sometimes have in your relationship is that you are expressing love in a way that your spouse, child or parent doesn’t understand.
The 5 major love languages, according to Gary Chapman, are:
1. Words of Affirmation. Here, the person likes to be encouraged, praised, acknowledged and affirmed VERBALLY. Words like “I love you”, “I am proud of you”, “I am glad you’re mine”, etc.
2. Acts of Service: This involves you helping the person with domestic things, helping around the house, helping with the kids, helping in the kitchen, helping with assignments (for students), etc.
3. Receiving Gifts: This is self explanatory. The person who communicates in this language loves to receive gifts, worthy gifts, as an expression of love.
4. Quality Time: Here, the person just wants to be with you. Wants you to ALWAYS create as much time as possible to be around and to be available.
5. Physical Touch: This involves physical contact, hugs, hand-holding, back-rubbing; physical proximity is the key here.
Please let me state that every human being speaks all 5 languages but we all have primary ones, that is, the ones we would rather have above the others.
So, if your spouse just needs quality time, just wants you around, and you are busy buying gifts and you’re feeling fly, your relationship will still have issues. Why? She would still feel you don’t love her becauee what she wants is your time, not your money. Are you beginning to understand why some things you did were not seemingly appreciated? That loved one never saw that act as love.
If he wants you to remove his shoes and pull off his socks when he gets home (Acts of Service) and you’re busy telling him how much you missed him and love him (Words of Affirmation), you might be hurting your marriage. That your dad loved Words of Affirmation doesn’t mean that’s what your husband enjoys it too.
So, the unanswered question remains, “How do I know my loved one’s primary love language(s). Like we said yesterday, please ASK. Go on the couple’s date (husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend), family date (parents and children), and ask questions. Questions like:
“What do I do that you would want me to stop?”
“What do I do that thrills you?”
“What would you want me to do more often?”
And please remember to talk about your own love language(s) too, so that with mutual consent, you begin to love each other the way you both would understand and enjoy it. Let the communication begin!
This is my longest post so far on this series but I believe the words here would greatly help your love life and remove all the frustrations that have been associated so far with speaking different languages.
Let me remind you that this series is for you. I want you to enjoy the beauty of love. Too many people have a bad notion of love and that’s rather unfortunate. With the right knowledge, your love life with all your loved ones, would be an example for many to follow.
Until you read from me again tomorrow, I ask that you please KEEP LIVING and KEEP LOVING. And please, don’t forget to share!
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)