Today, I would be talking about something that disguises as love but is not love. Many people use it and it wrecks more havoc than any good that might have been intended. It’s called MANIPULATION.
Folks, LOVE IS NOT MANIPULATION.
Before I express my own opinion on this, I want you to read an excerpt from a beautiful devotional, Word For Today (Jan 18th 2016). Here goes!
“Here are six of them (manipulation styles) you must be aware of and avoid if you want good relationships:
1) Emotional blackmail. ‘Do what I want or I’ll get angry and go to pieces.’
2) The guilt trip. ‘How could you do this to me after I’ve done so much for you?’
3) The eternal illness. ‘Don’t upset me. Can’t you see I’m not well?’
4) Help from beyond the grave. ‘Your dear father would have agreed with me.’
5) Divine revelation. ‘God told me you should do what I want.’
6) Humiliation. ‘Do what I want or I’ll embarrass you in front of others.’
These are powerful tools we use to get others to do what we want.”
And let me (Timi) add a seventh, 7) Love conditions. ‘If you love me, you will…’
Can you see the trend here? Yesterday I talked about ‘Love Is Giving’ but ‘Love is not manipulation’ helps you to balance it up. Manipulation is simply SELFISHNESS redefined. Many ladies have slept with men, many men have emptied their accounts and run into debt, many teenagers have gone into drugs, many parents have lost their children…all to manipulation.
Manipulation seems to work initially but it always comes back to haunt you. When you love a person, focus on YOUR OWN part. Keep loving the person, and trust that the person would understand love too and play his/her own part. Don’t go about twisting words in your favour. Soon, that loved one would get tired of it.
That’s what some spouses, or children, refer to as “nagging”. You just always seem to talk about all the good you do and why the other party should respond likewise. That’s an abuse of love. It might work for a while but you’d eventually drive a wedge between you two if you keep at it. So, stop manipulating people. It’s not love.
And to you, the manipulated. I’m sorry to put it that way but I just need the message to sink. Is somebody in your life asking you for things you shouldn’t do or that you can’t afford, under the premises of love? Are you losing your values just to keep him or her? Now is the time to put a stop to it.
It’s like blackmail. IT WILL NEVER STOP. You say, “I will just give her to maintain peace” or “let me do it so he’ll stop disturbing me” or “if I don’t, he’ll leave me”.
Please know, there’ll always be one request after another. Someone who manipulates you doesn’t understand love and the fellow will do it over and again. And in many cases, such a person never stays faithful to you, leaving you with many regrets.
If you need personal counselling, please book a session with Doctor Love. Love is beautiful. Don’t let anybody make your life miserable on the basis of their twisted understanding of love. You deserve to be loved the right way now and always because you are SPECIAL. Please, do have a beautiful Sunday.
Until you read from me again. Keep living and keep loving!
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)