We are on Day Five of our Love Series and I must say it is getting more exciting by the day. I looked through the topics I still have to discuss and I was really glad. I want to please ask you to make sure you follow through on all the 29 days of this series. You don’t want to miss a single day. It’s the complete dose that guarantees your joy. Deal? Cool!
Let’s delve into today’s topic.
Let me just hit the nail on the head. LOVE IS UNIQUE and DOESN’T MAKE COMPARISMS. Every single human being you would ever meet and/or choose to love, is a unique individual. The DNA combination, genetic configuration, and personality traits of that person are 100% unique to the individual. I’m sure you’ve seen a child that looks nothing like either parents. That’s the mystery of creation. Everybody is unique!
So, how does this apply to love. Never compare the feelings you have for one person to the feelings you’ve had or experienced with another person. You CANNOT feel the same way for two people. NEVER. Even parents don’t love their children the same way. I’m not talking about discrimination here. I love my two children, David and Esther, and I would dare say, I love them equally. But how I love David is different from how I love Esther.
I love David as David and I love Esther as Esther. Please, do you get my point? I love my wife as my wife. I love my dad as my dad, same with every other relationship I have, so that I’m not spelling out all my relationships. It would be so wrong of me to compare what I feel towards one person to what I feel towards another. It will always be unique per person.
I hope this isn’t in anyway confusing.
So, when you choose to love someone, spouse, boo, child, parent, colleague, or what-have-you, at that moment of loving the person, FOCUS on the person. Love the person for his/her uniqueness. Let the fellow know how much you love him/her. Don’t ever let the person see a trace of comparism in your eyes, especially if the person knows your other loved ones.
Let me break it down.
Dear parent, please never directly or indirectly compare your children. Love and nurture each child, conscious of his or her individuality.
Dear spouse, please never let your husband/wife, boo/bae, feel like you’re comparing him/her to your ex or to your dad/mum.
Love is a CHOICE. You choose to love the person and grow in love without bringing in any taste or feeling of dissatisfaction.
A man riding a Toyota Corolla would always be happy in his car no matter what any other person is driving. The problem comes when he begins to wish he was the one in the other “better” car. The moment that happens, he loses his joy and gets dissatisfied with his car. Can you see now why your love relationship with that person is dwindling?
Are you comparing her with your friend’s wife? Are you comparing your son with that boy who won ten (10) prizes at school. PLEASE DON’T. Love people the way they are and lovingly prod them into become better people. That way, everybody wins!
And if you’re suffering in a love relationship where you feel less than complete, inadequate, “not enough”, because your “lover”, whether parent or spouse or friend, makes you feel inferior through comparisms, please lovingly talk about it with the person and let him/her know how much it hurts you.
If you’ve tried talking about it before and it didn’t work, if it’s a relationship you can quit on (not a marriage relationship though), please quit. If it isn’t one you can quit, please reach me personally. My contact details are on the blog. I can do couple sessions or family sessions in your home if you so please but it has to be with the consent of the two parties.
Let me stop here today. Please, show some love today without any trace of comparism. And now to you, yes you! I want you to know that you’re an exquisite work of God’s creation! Never let anyone make you feel less than you are. Enjoy your life and be the best you were made to be.
Please keep living and keep loving.
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)