We are on Day Three of our Love Series. I sincerely hope the first two days have made an impact on your love life. We were told in high school that wisdom is the application of knowledge. Knowing these things I’m discussing on this series is not enough. Putting them to practise is the key! That’s wisdom! That’s growth!
I felt it was apt, after talking about imperfections yesterday, to talk about this crucial side of love that many people overlook or deliberately ignore. FORGIVENESS. You would notice, like you would in subsequent posts, that I didn’t say Love INVOLVES Forgiveness but I said Love IS Forgiveness.
Any worthwhile relationship, on which ever level, can only be maintained by forgiveness. I love cartoons (still-life or animated) and my best cartoonist is Mike Waters. In one of his cartoons, this brief conversation ensued:
A bird ask a porcupine couple, “Mr & Mrs Porcupine, how have you two managed to stay together?”
Mr Porcupine replied, “We couldn’t have done it without our First Aid kit.”
On the First Aid kit was written “Love and Forgiveness” and on their bodies were many plasters.
Do you understand ?
Love is forgiveness!
We live in a world where people take offense easily and want to be vindicated. That’s the reason for the many wars that have claimed many lives and bereaved many families. That’s the reason for the alarming rate of divorces and separated homes. That’s the reason for many wounded hearts and battered souls, increasing the patients in psychiatric homes.
Hurt turns to resentment and eventually grows into bitterness when you refuse to forgive an offender. Your spouse would hurt you MANY TIMES because he or she isn’t perfect. What you do with the hurt is what defines LOVE for you. Holding it against the person and seeking retribution is not love. Forgiving and giving the person multiple chances (not a second chance) is love.
“But you don’t know what he did to me?” “I cannot forgive her if she doesn’t apologize” “They don’t deserve forgiveness”
I don’t know which of the above expresses your thoughts. It might help if you visit old people once in a while and ask them if they have regrets in life. The major regrets you hear won’t be, “I wish I had furthered my education” or “I wish I bought that new car when I was 40”. NO!!! Most regrets would be, “I wish I did not say those hurtful words to my daughter when she came home pregnant” or “I wish I overlooked my wife’s nagging, I miss her” etc.
Ask those who have been there. Refusing to forgive, counting the offenses of your loved ones against them drains out all the love you have for them. You just discover that you snap and shout at them over seemingly insignificant things. You find your heart straying away from them and you begin to seek solace or “love” from another person.
What is my point?
Please forgive! Am I saying it would be easy? NO! But would it be worth it? YES! Would you forget? NO! You have a mind. But would the pain when you remember be lessened when you have forgiven? YES!! And would your relationship be restored? YES!!!
Please remember, on Day One, I said Love Never Fails. You might not see the result immediately. The loved one might even seem to take your “forgiveness” for granted and you now seem like the fool. But please take my word for it, if you stick to it, you would eventually win that loved one over. I desire you to be happy and I’m giving you principles that guarantee your happiness.
So, would you follow Doctor Love’s prescription today?
Call the offender and talk about the hurt. And then, FORGIVE. And if you are the offender, please go to the offended and apologise. Don’t even bother defending yourself. Just apologise and receive forgiveness.
There’s so much more to say on forgiveness but I have to stop now. I know we all have peculiar cases. If yours is ‘serious’ and you need further prescriptions, I am available for personal sessions. Simply book an appointment with Doctor Love!
So, please go to the phones, send the emails, bring out the address books. REACH OUT IN LOVE. Forgive and be forgiven!
Until we “see” again tomorrow. Keep living. Keep loving!
I love you!
Timi Adigun (Doctor Love)